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[poem] Baking Talents

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Nemo

Post time 2018-10-16 17:00:59 | Show all posts |Read mode
I thought I'd give a sonnet a try. I'm not amazing with iambic pentameter yet, but I'm decent (the weird spacing is me trying to get 10 syllables per line). As always, constructive criticism is appreciated.

AnOven’s Serenade: A Sonnet
Art can hide in places strange- inplaces
Where it seems irrelevant. Butsometimes
Cookies, crust, and candied apples-baking
That is to say, becomes an artrefined.
Sugar, eggs, and butter mix together
Into batter, dough, something topour
Into the oven, heat, and always knowthat
What you are doing is quite lovedand more
For baking takes a certain kind ofsomeone
It takes a type of what-'je ne sais quoi'
Since baking is a science (youshould know this)
A person needs to hammer out theflaws
While seeming unimportant in themoment
And not as powerful as ice or light
Or any of the others, you shouldknow that
Ingredients always put up a fight
While baking isn’t revolutionary
We can say that to pixies, it bringsjoy
Though it can’t bring the changingof the seasons
For morale it may then be employed.


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Beck

Post time 2018-10-16 20:33:30 | Show all posts
Great job! I love how you take an artistic look at seemingly random ingredients that come together magically. Sonnets can be tricky, so I also admire how you work longer words and phrases like 'irrelevant' and 'je ne sais quoi' into the verses. And I think the lines "And not as powerful as ice or light" and "For baking takes a certain kind of someone" are perfectly metered.

If you want to get technical, most sonnets have only 14 lines and more particular rhyme schemes. One common rhyming pattern is ABAB CDCD EFEF GG. Maybe something to try for your next poem--but your blank verse here seems off to a decent start.
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warmheartedministerFairyABC StaffActive Staff Member Guardians

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Post time 2018-10-16 20:42:13 | Show all posts
I love it.

When copy-pasting things into the forum, it tends to stick some words together, just letting you know. I had to edit my 4,000 word writing contest entry for that.
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Post time 2018-10-17 01:18:07 | Show all posts
Great poem!!!!
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Judy Hopps

Post time 2018-10-17 17:46:48 | Show all posts
Lovely sonnet! I like the rhyming scheme of this
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Post time 2018-10-19 14:13:59 | Show all posts
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Post time 2018-10-20 13:09:33 | Show all posts
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Post time 2018-10-20 13:09:57 | Show all posts
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Post time 2018-10-20 13:10:19 | Show all posts
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Post time 2018-10-24 21:46:47 | Show all posts
You did art mixing culinary with poetry. Cool!
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