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[Story] Teaser to a story I am writing - looking for an outside perspective.

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Post time 2018-8-6 23:22:25 | Show all posts |Read mode
Edited by Martin at 2018-8-7 07:46

Let me know what you guys think about this short intro/teaser. This teaser is pretty much ment to outline the major themes I plan to include in the story. But I thought I would just shoot this out there and get some opinions from an outside perspective.


Teaser:
You ever believe in a world, alternate to your own. You know, the kind that is filled with strange creatures, magic, kingdoms, and hidden monuments. I know some people might call it childsplay, but I just get this feeling that I belong somewhere else, and that I have a purposeful life waiting for me elsewhere. But instead, I was placed here, in this world filled with civil complexities and isolation. Surrounded by people who tend to fit into this world so perfectly, while you just sit there as abnormal as one from this world could be. Yet the further you advance in this world, the farther you feel from it, and the closer you feel to another, one that you yourself stuggle to proove its existence; however, only hope and dream that you will reach there someday, somehow. End.


I understand that this teaser is pretty vauge and does not explain much about the story. But without revealing the story itself, does this at all draw your attention?

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Post time 2018-8-7 00:15:05 | Show all posts
It sounds very intriguing, yet it also seems to take after the themes of ''Kingdom Hearts'' very closely.
Nevertheless, it is a solid concept.  I am using something very similar for my own stories.
You are a talented storyteller to have such a concept in mind, and this is coming from a Digital Storyteller
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Post time 2018-8-7 01:20:41 | Show all posts
Very intriguing.
You should make it more concrete once you add those details!
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Post time 2018-8-7 01:36:37 | Show all posts
Edited by The_Syreth_Clan at 2018-8-7 06:40

I've read too many manga and fanfiction to know where this is going and I'd personally advise against it. Best of luck if you choose to stick with it nonetheless.
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Post time 2018-8-7 02:34:14 | Show all posts
Your story seems like it'd be interesting. Good job on the teaser. Reading the fantasy/supernatural genre is right up my alley, so I'd most likely read more of your content to see if it'd suite my taste.
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 Author| Post time 2018-8-7 08:37:46 | Show all posts
Crystal2780!! replied at 2018-8-6 23:15
It sounds very intriguing, yet it also seems to take after the themes of ''Kingdom Hearts'' very clo ...

Thank you so much! Really means a lot. I actually never played Kingdom Hearts, so I guess I didn't see the similar themes.
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 Author| Post time 2018-8-7 08:39:48 | Show all posts
Kei replied at 2018-8-7 01:34
Your story seems like it'd be interesting. Good job on the teaser. Reading the fantasy/supernatural  ...

Wonderful! Thanks for the feedback
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 Author| Post time 2018-8-7 08:42:01 | Show all posts
The_Syreth_Clan replied at 2018-8-7 00:36
I've read too many manga and fanfiction to know where this is going and I'd personally advise agains ...

I assume you're implying that this is a common theme among other fantasy writings. What would you suggest to make this a little more unique?
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Post time 2018-8-7 10:41:40 | Show all posts
Edited by The_Syreth_Clan at 2018-8-7 15:43
Martin replied at 2018-8-7 13:42
I assume you're implying that this is a common theme among other fantasy writings. What would you  ...

Firstly, I'd drop the Isekai factor altogether. Might seem a little contradictory given we're on a site based off a novel where boys can taken to another world, but trust me, you're probably better off without it. If you want to write a main character in a strange new world, he might as well come from somewhere in that world. A difference in country is enough, no need for an entire dimension.

If you do decide to stick with the 'being taken into a different world' aspect, try keeping themes and objects that could ruin the potential immersion to a minimum. No need to mention video games/consoles or TV series by name, likewise I'm pretty sure people won't miss the "My phone has no signal" part either. Instead, have your transported character carry over nothing and make small, passing references to how these things work/are easier in their homeworld.

It's a balance that's hard to get right in an otherwise tantalizing style, which is what makes it so notorious, but ultimately you write what you feel your heart tells you to write.
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Post time 2018-8-7 18:21:42 | Show all posts
OOOOH this seems interesting! Write that story!!!
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